Some relapses

There have been some unfortuante episodes of late. I haven't rushed to blog them. Not out of shame. But I'm not sure what's going to happen. I was robbed of my phone and bag last week. The next day I had a cigarette to indulge my wounded soldier fantasy. And to be honest I rather enjoyed it. Then this weekend there's been an eccentric American with a pouch full of tobacco. There's been some wine, some spicy food and some roll ups. Some were nice. Some less so. Dylan Moran's smoky comedy special on Friday didn't help. Let's see how things go. Signs are not good.

Month 2

Yep, I've lost track of the days. I didn't even post on the 1 month anniversary. Things have plateaued. Or if anything it's getting harder. The city is full of beautiful people smoking. The smokeless hours stretch out unendingly. The wife kindly bought me a book of Bill Hicks routines which is great but unforyunately contains as passionate a defence of smoking as you'll ever read. I can dismis other cool-looking smokers as the tools of The Man (I'm looking at you Depp & Moss) but it's harder with my belopved Bill. I need to dig out his giving up routine. And to remember that he died of cancer at the age of 35. (Though I don't think it was smoking related.) I can't believe how much I miss it. I'm in that very dangerous place where I want 'just one'. And you know what the man said - one's too many. And a hundred's not enough.

Day 28 - mid morning

Well, it's been a while since my last post, but actually the cravings have seen an increase. I bought a small stereo for the kitchen and have discovered that music makes me want to smoke. As do children's playgrounds. And evenings. I've been dreaming about smoking for the last few nights. I'm always relieved when I wake up and find out that I haven't though.

Day 24 - evening

Haven't posted for a while. I've had some urges at the thought of staying up for the election.

Sometimes when I'm in a bar or a coffee shop I see someone strike a match or flick a bic to light a cigarette and it looks like the most beautiful thing in the world. But I try to just appreciate it aesthetically. Chewing gum is not beautiful.

Day 22 - afternoon

I have dental floss stuck between my teeth.

Day 22 - afternoon

V. stressful day. Combination of chest pains and smoking urges. Glad I'm not smoking though. Too much artery panic.

Day 20 - evening

I must confess I'm bored, hungry and angry a lot of the time.

Empty ashtrays and open spaces make me want to smoke. It seems a waste not to.

Day 18 - evening

Difficult tonight. Seems like I've forgotten how bad smoking was. When will I forget how great smoking is?

Held my nerve though. Just. There's no physical craving, but psychologically it's very hard. I'm BORED of not smoking.